I'm at a Mexican Walmart. Wish you were here.
I have decided today is drunk costume day. That is, i woke up still drunk and found costumes all over my floor. Heck yes. This is happening. Come over. Drink.
Well you are. Awfully cute even. Like baby bunnies. And tiny, tiny penises. You know.
He was drinking hot tub water because i refused to get him a glass of water...
we need to find an occasion to wear tutus
You were screaming across the bar "BUYING US SHOTS ISN'T GOING TO MAKE US STRAIGHT, YA KNOW!!!!!!!!"
after I lost so many games of beer pong they made me be a troll, I sat under the table and told riddles while retrieving balls.
He always takes home straight guys. He plays One Night Stand on Ledgendary Mode
Took me 10 minutes of oral to finally get him hard for like 30 seconds of sex until he came and passed out. Def not worth the ROI.
Funny, 'cause his story is it went great. He faked passing out so he wouldn't have to do anything in return.
I had 2 bags of iv saline fuilds for brunch and the buffet at the strip club for dinner. happy easter.
Remember that time I hopped home naked from the bar, then tried to convince you I was ok to drive you home? Good call on the taxi.
It will be too late. I will have fornicated with the enemy by then.
I AHVE A WINE BUCKETTTTTTT
My date ended with her leaving the bar with that guy who used to jerk off in the back of the school bus.
My brother is so high right now he's eating frozen peas and called them "fucking delightful"
Randomize
