Apparently I farted on her in my sleep. Then, just to be sure she was cool, I did it again on purpose and she didnt say anything. So, WIN?
We are probably going to have to use your boobs as currency to get this done
She was trying to fuck the exchange student from France. His English is really bad and the music was loud so she just pointed to a beer bottle and then her vagina.
That's fun. I just masturbated and I swear my vagina creaked.
The yard is growling at me WHAT DID U GIVE ME?
I got really high and googled the history of Amish people for like an hour.
Walked back to my room from the bus last night and all I see is 3 of my friends on the porch chugging whiskey and then throwing up in unison
You peed on someone's house because they had a Wisconsin flag.
There's a guy here who is improvising his own shadow dance on a table against the wall, in case you're wondering how my night is going
Help me. My dealer just asked me to have a child with him. Sat me down for a heart to heart "he's almost 40 and losing his shit cause he's single and wants babies" talk. How the fuck am I supposed to feel about this????
Dude, where are you?
In back
of car
... whose car?
I'm the kind of girl who misses her mouth when trying to eat, do you honestly think I'm coordinated enough to wear heels during sex?
Money making scheme, blow job proof mascara. Waterproof is bullshit
All I know is I woke up cuddling a jar of peanut butter....
CTFD. There’s plenty of dick in the sea! This is Vegas, we import dick. \nWorst case scenario we get a rental penis
Randomize
