I created a new tequila drink. it is a mix of excitement and fear instilled in innocent people.
From now on, just let me go home. I'm tired of hooking up with your roommates... Including you.
mom and dad sent me an easter basket full of beer pong supplies again.
I'm not giving my ex her earrings back. If some chick i hated gave me brownies i would still eat them. It's the same thing.
Had to belly crawl across the floor to the toilet with my eyes closed to puke my life out without making my hangover worse. Three times.
Its okay, i dont mind you drinking, im just surrounded by it, there is some random dude laying on your couch with a bucket that ive never seen before
I dunno what he did but it both burns and feels amazing to pee
Lets trade lives
And i will lay in bed and piss all over everywhere, drink whiskey and have sex with married bears
Lesson learnt. Sex toy cleaning spray is not an acceptable substitute to clean your glasses with.
I think were only still together so we can make each other miserable
These last few days with George, grandma, and now Carrie all dying have been pushing me further and further into rum's sweet embrace.
As a home can we vote to stab Peter?
someone at the bars was yelling at the bouncer to let him in because he "just passed through the 7 levels of the candy cane forrest" soulmate?
go meet him and give him your number.
He just told me I was beautiful, whilst I peed into a cup. If this isn't love I don't know what is.
You don't make any sense
TEQUILA
Randomize
