You'll be the first to get a "it's herpes simplex 1" cigar.
so they made cookies with their faces printed on them...I ate jaime...she tasted like poop
I just watched a girl in the library pull a vodka bottle out of her bag. I think I'm going to give her my number.
it was a whole new experience in the world of ball fondling
I can't tell if your life is amazing or needs reevaluation when "did I get hit with a nightstick" is a legitimate question.
You just kept saying "they don't make cigarettes for squirrels. Yet."
Theres a high probability there will be two hot men waiting on you in your bed when you get home for lunch.
She really is something else.
Words cannot describe what though. The best way to describe her is to say it like watching a bear and a whale have sex. You don't know why it's happening or how. But it's rather funny and you can't look away.
I was trying to climb into what I thought was a bunk bed.. Turns out it was just a cabinet under the sink in a bathroom
Exactly. Stay back and unsubscribe from her
It is not a successful senior year unless you show up to campus without pants at least once, right?
I've done dumber things than this for flimsier reasons. Come with. If I pull it off I need a witness, and if I fail I need an escape plan.
He obv doesn't know that telling a woman to chill will get him murdered
I'm so drunk and angry about the Michigan game the fact of my relationship being over doesn't matter
A condom was pulled out of your vagina by a doctor today I do not think you can pull off "closet" hoe anymore
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