I'm just sayin u wanted to sleep after ur paper. I can make u sleep
Pissed on my Blackberry at the Astros game. Wish me luck explaining that one at work.
pube in her braces AGAIN. barely kept a straight face.
its good she wears the same dress to all the weddings so we can track how fat she's really gotten
so glad i banged her when she was skinny
he kept refering to his penis as the "eternal sunshine"
i just looked at the calendar to see when spring break is and literally stopped eating
she came to the game with a camelback filled with booze. except it was only the bag part so she duct taped to her back
Hello everyone will one of you please inform me on why I woke up in a cardboard recycle dumpster with no shirt and a stuffed animal? I want to hear this explanation.
Your godly.
careful of the bathroom.... theres some drunken ninja turtles in there....
Found a dirty envelope on my seat w ur name and $122.50 written on the front. Nothing inside but what looks like dirty pine needles
So help me Jesus we're never drinking together again. But weekends don't count. Amen.
Will i get arrested If i steal the salvatiion arny guys bell for ringing it to close to my hangover
Shawn wouldn't stop singing about his cock on the ride home that night it freaked my girlfriend out how consistent he was
I got wing sauce on the baby and licked it off. If you were wondering how I'm doing.
Going back to our hometown to help Gramma move. Thinking we should see if we can fuck on the desk of the homophobic coach who first introduced us while in town.
Randomize
