why did u let me go home with him last night?
u were determined it was a good idea
I decided to name my penis gatorade...is it in you?
apparently i peed in my fridge last night because my vegetable drawer was filled with it.
your ex dropped by. you can call me dwight howard, cuz im the king of rebounds
guess they didn't have any donuts in her size.
I'm more picky about my flip flops than the guys I sleep with
literally have a bruise on my forehead from being over the toilet all night.
The dentist told me I have super glue on my teeth. I'm not blaming you I just want to know how that happened
he laminated a picture of his dick.
Let me just say....i'm sorry about setting your carpet on fire. I had no idea that the paper towel would burn that quickly.
I need to wear something that says I would have sex with you but I'm not going to
Thank you. I woke up with a beard hair in my mouth. Super classy.
i may or may not have bought a plane ticket for a russian cam girl to fly here. also, can you spot me $300 on rent?
I just saw a guy walking up the stairs with his dick out his pants. I let him know, and he just looked down in shock, laughed, and continued walking up the stairs.
He's a college graduate, has an excellent job, and respects his family. To say nothing of his 8.5 inch cock. His narcolepsy not withstanding...I'm marrying this motherfucker.
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