He went through and tagged himself on my crotch in all of my facebook pics
when she asked me if it was possible to swim under north america i knew it was time to leave.
You don't understand how difficult it is to give head with cotton mouth
ohhh no, absolutely not. i am waaayyy too superstitious to have sex with the self-proclaimed "baby-maker" on father's day...
Just tried to chase Captain Morgan with water...this whole drinking alone business is getting harder to do.
new girl just came onto the hall stumbling drunk with no shoes on and the guy who brought her doesn't have them either
Just described your amazing cock to a complete stranger. I am officially the worst wingman (chick) ever.
The cops just showed up and arrested her. It's our 2nd date. Do I have to hang out her with her 3 kids until she makes bail or can I leave?
He blacked out at the first bar and passed out at the second...we just carried him to bar three and four and sat him in the lounge chairs, he said we're amazing
I have a breathe right strip stuck to my forehead, several inexplicable bruises and I think someone tried to paint my nails with glue, but I still have my Santa hat. I'm gonna call this one a success.
I was ok with it until you started yelling " just the tip!" I know she's you gf but don't backseat drive the three-way.
I'm spending tomorrow with her. What should my ridiculous personal goal be? I've already got a blowjob while eating a cupcake
So wise, so handsome, so good at oral sex.
Yep that's the face of someone whose dick I would put in my mouth without hesitation
I'm texting you know although you won't get this until you wake up. the only reason you are strapped to your bed is because you were trying to fly out your window.
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