Come get meeee. I'm stranded in the middle of no where with Paul (?). I think u puked on his friend.
i'm wearing my white shorts to coax my period out of hiding.
she's not going to take you seriously with an empty 40 and a sombrero on your head.
do you think semen can infect my impacted wisdom tooth
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
The night was going well until I found tufts of my hair in the freezer. Then I got nervous
you say it like running around in your thong wasted is a bad thing
I'm about to do the walk of shame in a christmas onesie. What would I do without christmas sweater party season?
This spray tan I used isn't working out. I spent an hour exfoliating and rubbing the damn stuff in with rubber gloves. I wanted the alluring, sun-kissed, sexy look. I've achieved smelling like burnt popcorn and the cats won't stop licking me. I'm a salt lick for cats.
When's a good time to tell your boyfriend you've slept with his ex girlfriend?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Nooo, I ran into two if my exes, both having their engagement parties at the bar. It was like a fucking Eskimo family reunion, but with more tequila.
this new dose of ADD meds is totally being waisted with the unemployed new graduate thing if only I could add my hyper focused side effects to a coverletter
I'm sorry I put my balls through your watch. On another note your roommate had them on his shoulder too sry
Which is worse that I came in public or that no one noticed?
Yeah it got awkward when the two guys we were playing beer pong against realized that I'd hooked up with both of them. Their teamwork declined after that.
You have no idea how awkward it is fucking someone with the same name as your dog
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