you scanned your fake to get into the dorm last night and when the lady told you it was the wrong card you looked at her and said this is who i am thursday night
She gave him HEAD floating down the river in a tube as big a a tire. I just don't know how to compete with that sort of level of slut.
I sat alone in Buffalo Wild Wings eating chocolate cake on Country Western karoake night. The waiter asked me if I was ok. Twice.
there were like 150 questions AFTER the application. you'd think for a store that has dick molding kits it'd be a joke
i must of done something right to please the booty call gods. . . maybe fucking that fat chick?
maybe next time you'll take an ex boyfriend warning you that she's batshit crazy as a warning instead of a challenge
I can't believe I paid your booty call for a ride home in cake.
How much more is Amanda Bynes going to rip out our hearts?!?!?
So, it's been almost 3 months and and I still dont know her last name. That's gotta be a record.
But I've also made plans to crash a black tie event wearing a storm trooper helmet. I think I've found the love of my life..
But seriously I might need help getting spray paint off of my body.... But don't worry about the penis I scrubbed him already
Emojis can't explain what he felt when that ass dropped
I've had way too many dicks in my mouth the past two weeks. Ready to go back to school and be a doctor now
I just bought a mini nerf gun so he could make a bowl out of it, I deserve the fuck buddy of the year award!
Apparently when you start crushing adderall and blending them into your margaritas calling them blenderalls you have "a problem" WTF
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