i dont know what it is, i just found it in my pants.
ran into someone who graduated hs with us while i was paying for booze in quarters. i love it when people from my past catch me in my classier moments.
i can't believe you were mixing vodka with green tea last night and enjoying it.
i should bottle and sell it. my slogan could be "green tea vodka. antioxidating while intoxiacting. your liver will thank you. "
Not sure. We'll pass out on that bridge when we stumble to it.
i preemptively threaten to cock slap your kids if they are snobby yuppy bitches
I feel like I just lived out a children's book called "The Day I Went to Law School Stoned"
Well we're either getting a bunny or I'm getting you pregnant in about 12 days.
If you're mature enough to fuck him you're mature enough to tell him you don't want a relationship come on
And now whenever I see a documentary about dolphins, I think about sex, which is super weird
Plus, I have my cousin, the dominatrix, to help me out if things get out of hand
Oh goddamn. That a super downer Tuesday reality right there. Just hit me with the cold, hard, nasty facts.
So let me get this straight I was getting drunk with our science teacher from high school and you got drunk with an 82 year old woman who invited you back to her house and made you sandwiches.
Yes.
My liver can't handle being unemployed!
Ex-boyfriend shit on a ping pong table at a party last night. Taking "party pooper" to a whole new level.
Im not as flexible as I once was, but I still managed to get eaten out in the front seat of a hummer behind keddies.
Randomize
