How can i ever say i miss u when u wont go away
after a few more beers I realized that both my wife and I like Latin men.
$5 long island pitchers = roommate pissing on his laptop at 3am.
I may puke in class so I'm excited to see how that goes
You don't realize it's a small world until your ex girlfriend's dad unintentionally messages you on grindr..what.the.fuck.
at least I have the sex noises of his roommate to entertain me while I wait for him to wake up
its like my brain is a tree and you are those little cookie elves
who is that guy in your bed? he looks like jesus..way to keep it festive
He was on top and as he finished he yelled "I love gold" , so yeah I'm seeing him later tonight
Wait an hour then go and untie him. Bring toilet paper and some spare underwear. Want anything from Starbucks?
Woke up to I'm AWESOME written in purple crayon all over my walls. I love drunk me
No idea who's grandma but people were just running around naked
Yeah. I fucked her boyfriend, she knows, and she still wants to keep dating him. That's love.
I've seen too many naked penises for this to be a normal Monday morning
They told him he could only pay in monopoly money and he pulls out a wad of it from his pocket... i think im in love
Randomize
