I fell asleep on the toilet again last night...
Blind date just said "Can't wait till I'm married so i can let myself go". There will be no second date.
Holy fuck. She looks like Vin Diesel's stuntman
I heard from multiple reliable sources that she doesn't have a gag reflex. Of course I'm going to try to go home with her.
I'm coming over to use your dick. I need to take my aggression out on something. Hope that's cool.
I think it's time we have the "weird fetish" talk.
so you told her it was a 'nam scar? i mean, how old does she think you are.
Also, we accidentally donated a bong to goodwill
Indeed. The kind of morning where puking in someone's shoes is not frowned upon
Just asking. Could've given you a lap dance in a sombrero, drenched in corona and tequila.
God Bless cinco de mayo
Maybe one day we'll get unicorn butt tattoos together
Don't worry my mom is buying me a vasectomy for Christmas
So far in 2016 I told someone id give them a blowjob for lasagna.
Yeah,I'm just gonna keep fucking other guys til this idiot figures out he loves me.
Walk of shame through Chipotle? Check.
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