Dude, this chick just tossed my salad hard. All that I could picture was a dog trying to get the last of the peanut butter out of the jar of Jiff and trying not to think of how grotesque my last dump was.
Then she tried to kiss me and I wouldn't and she got pissed off and went to sleep. Then about an hour later, her kid called her. She went home and on the way out I told her to wash her mouth before she kissed her kid good night. Weird night..
we used that portable toilet as a cooler to keep coronas. next person who tells me hospitals arn't fun needs to come party in rm 180.
but why does your life always sound like the plot of a porn?
hey just checking if u still hate me for sleeping with your sister?
It doesn't matter if he doesn't speak English because I speak the international language of blowies.
I am currently google image searching dick piercings, trying to see what I'm getting myself into.
When were having sex he was mumbling some guys name. If he wasn't as hot as he is I'd be concerned.
I'm hungover in the park, and some guy just handed me a business card for his church. I can feel Jesus' disapproval running through my fingertips
You should not be allowed to go away on the weekends I plan on getting drunk on. I need someone to stop me from punching this guy in the face. It's simple room mate etiquette.
I plan on showing these boobs to so many people that by the end of it ill just have a shirt of beads.
Seriously? A BAR is SPONSORING my 21... What did you do for your 21 again??
I think one of my ovaries is committing suicide. But that is a topic for another day.
just yelled CURVEBALL at my nightie because it turned out to be a pair of shorts
THERE IS A VERY SMALL CHILD YELLING OUTSIDE OF MY DOOR. THE NEXT TIME YOU TELL ME YOUR TOO BIG FOR A CONDOM I'M GOING TO PUNCH YOU IN THE DICK.
Spencer just told me I got home and was opening beers with my teeth and trying to make pot butter
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