I can only date guys with blackberrys
I just decided its a new prereq to talk to me
went to sleep on the couch in jeans and socks. woke up in bed totally nude no memory of moving. best farewell party ever
I think horse shit smells the best of all shits.
I was 10 minutes late leaving for lunch today because I couldn't lose a boner. It is impossible to tuck it when your shirt is tucked in...gotta quit facebook stalking hot chicks at work
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i wanted to sleep on a waterbed so i filled up my bathtub so i could fall asleep in it...
No flights in Europe due to the volcano erupting. God himself is telling me to spend 4.20 in Amsterdam.
Julian told me all the fish in his pond died and he didn't know when or how. I didn't have the heart to tell him he drunkenly peed in the pond on Saturday as everyone cheered him on.
i wish i had the videos of us pissing on him last night.
This is your liver's 7:15 wake up call. Mandatory margarita popsicles after work today. Rule #71: no excuses, play like a champ!
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I was in the library and saw 2 dudes hackysacking in a study room with 3 girls working. I asked if I could join; as soon as I closed the door the chicks offered me tequila shots. study session w/everyone cancelled, I'm busy.
My liver needs the occasional pep talk and a reminder that we are two weeks into freshman year of college.
And we had three hours of crazy sex then his roommate ate pizza off me while I was sleeping.
Best thing I ever did was get a dog. She's like a living trip alarm to warn me of visitors while I'm masturbating.
You know the force is loosing strength when Darth Vader can't handle his liquor on halloween.
I didn't mean that as an expression. I'm literally asking if you want to watch Netflix and do nothing.
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