your thong is hanging out like whoa
He's so far in the closet he's in Narnia
Motorboating on a tuesday night. not too shabby....
I'm going to get a baby outfit made and send it to her that says: "My husband fucked his subordinate and all I got was another baby".
I love seeing the creepers that friend request me outside of facebook. its like seeing a unicorn in the middle of campus.
well this feels familiar. awake at the crack of dawn laying in the fetal position praying for the sweet release of death. i think im done with jager for a while
I almost puked on my graduation application. perfect.
i seriously have like 9 pictures of people taking shots out of a vag on my camera....
I feel like I have heartburn in my nipples.
My life is a clusterfuck of men and disorderly priorities right meow.
I was afraid she wouldn't be able keep up but I woke up in a bathtub, she called me a pussy and made me pancakes.
I'm so glad you support me having casual sex with your uncle
I'm only bisexual one week out of the month. Nothing like ovulation hormones to make the genders of my hookups seem completely irrelevant.
Do you know this guy sitting in front of us? Asking for my vagina.
you don't need to worry about using proper grammar if you're asking for the size of his dick.
Randomize
