we're drinking boxed wine and eating string cheese. It's like a wine tasting for poor people.
he just payed for our date, after telling him I was leaving early to meet my fuck buddy. is there something lower than friendzone I can stick this guy in?
When I stretch out her lips her vagina looks like a dolphin...this birthmark is awesome
Nobody has seen her in 3 days. Should we call the cops or hope this is just another drunk Carmen San Diego game she's playing?
He brought a TOOTHBRUSH and TOOTHPASTE with us on our date..... I want to go home and forget I ever decided to be nice and go on this date in the first place...... A TOOTHBRUSH!?!?!
You strapped the bucket of KFC into the carseat and refused to let me drive over 20 miles per hour the whole ride home. That high.
Well he was saying something about being emotionally unavailable since his dad died, but then I blew him in a tree and he shut up
Friday is the holy day of drinking. Thou shalt observe the Sabbath. It's in the bible. Look it up bitch.
She looked so much better when u didn't look at her and the music was too loud to hear her
is it bad that I see hot guys I wanna sleep with as challenges instead of actual people?
yes. but it works for you
Got kicked out of the club and woke up at a frat house. Good night? Couldn't tell you. I got a date out of it I'm glad someone thinks my drinking problem is cute.
She woke up next me in bed and told me to stop driving so fast.
Like at first he was barely doing anything. So I was like harder and then holy shit he's like going all HULK SMASH on my vagina. I mean it felt fucking awesome. BUT STILL
I came twice AND he sent me home with edibles. I think he’s a keeper.
The smell of pee and coconut conditioner still makes me think of him
Randomize
