OH MY GOD! I just remembered how we ended our bar time last night: picking up and drinking random drinks that ppl had left. wtf is wrong with us?! that's so ghetto!
No. You're kidding.
I am not. I wish I were. I speak the truth.
Dude she has a fucking rock collection. Never will I ever talk to her again.
We found you on the floor drooling you kept saying over and over how you were double jointed.
All of our toilets in my house are broken. Thank God I've practiced peeing in the sink enough.
I'm gonna have to flying elbow somebody tonight in memory of Macho Man
whatever. i almost had sex in a car with someone passed out in the back seat. phone's not my biggest worry.
I may be new to bar life, but full on grabbing my vag shouldn't happen...anywhere.
I had to photo shop your nipple piercings. that was extremely awkward.
So I bought some random chick a shot she puked in her hands then I watched her make out with my roommate
i miss freshman lecture halls much harder to take shots in a class of 20
I just spent 20 mins in the shower washing n rewashing my body to get rid of stripper. I even loofa'd my face.
I know you're asleep, but I just had a motherfucking epiphany.
Please send pictures of any nice new years ladies you run across in town, as I've forgotten what women look like.
When dealing with embarassing medical issues, don't you want your brother's wife to be the one fishing around up your ass?
I'm gonna write a book entitled "when you give a cop a cookie..."
I don't even want to know.
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