...., I just tried brushing my hair wothh a toothbrushg. fail
ps not my toothbrush awkward.
i find it a beautiful talent that i know how much pubic hair the girl in the next stall has just from the sound of her urine
There's an old bald Japanese dude on the metra next to me. He's drinking MGD on a crowded train, and rocking out way too hard to what may be the same Dallas Green song I'm listening to. Life is sweet.
I learned an important lesson last night: Jameson giveth, but Jameson also taketh away.
Cruelly.
Who's got a bloodstream full of margaritas by 2pm? Not you, that's for sure, because you've got one of those "real" jobs.
there's a liquor store near my therapist
i might give it a shot.
Need. Hospital. Physically am floating.
OH. MY. GOD. FUCK HIM. JUST GRAB HIM AND FUCK HIM.
I guess I fell on the bar and kept trying to get back in telling the bouncer that I left my teeth at the bar. Woke up this morning with chipped tooth
Get your clothes on you are our DD for the night. The usual three way payment
I woke up hugging a box of cheerios that had "wonder woman" written in sharpie on it. So much for a sober night.
He said that he made a girl squirt to the ceiling and I got curious
Yeah it got awkward when the two guys we were playing beer pong against realized that I'd hooked up with both of them. Their teamwork declined after that.
I ripped my favorite bra in half last night while I was undressing in a drunken rage.
What was the rage all about?
He wouldn't stop to let me get McDonald's french fries.
I told him it was fine and then I keyed his car.
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