He told me he had herpes after I put his hotdog in my mouth
if I end up fighting someone to save $15 on a toaster oven then something went wrong earlier in life
I'll go out only because I know the starving children in third-world countries would frown upon us if we let an hour of free sangria go to waste...
I can't wait until next week, when I find out what drunk me added to the Netflix queue.
Lol. Awesome. Seriously though, I need you focused next year. We're gone have a lot of drinking and stupid nonsense to do, and I don't want dumb shit like responsibility to get in my fucking way.
Just follow the currents of life. And if they take me on to a guys dick, so be it.
He watches the nature channel every time I am here. It's like a manipulation technique because baby zebras will get me every time.
Burnt my boob on a piece of hot waffle at work today..I feel like thats a new low point in my career..
Trusting in Jesus is not a viable birth control plan.
I was just drinking but now I'm drinking and chasing with red bull. I call this "getting ready for work"
Why is there a waffle in the knife drawer?
The real question is why are there knives in the waffle drawer.
There's a bull to ride and dancing on the bar is encouraged. This is my heaven. And this is why god made leopard tube tops.
fuck sobriety. I want to wake up tomorrow in a park or some shit.
well true... there's not a real discreet way to masturbate in public
Give me the sexing that I truly desire and I will reveal to you the mysterious location of the PBR's
Randomize
