Spent $1500 on bottle service and have a lump on my head from hitting the nightstand while puking. Excess? Nooo Success.
When i light up a cigarette people look at of like i'm going to pee on their children.
Before he took off his pants he paused and said, "Remember..sometimes great things come in small packages."
he woke up with $200 in his pocket and had to buy his cell phone back from a hobo at the bus stop.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
She is larger then a hippo. You could cut her open in the middle of a blizzard and crawl in like Luke skywalker. Throw a couch and a tv in there and you're set
You were buying shots for everyone, saying, "I got a tax refund. I'm a MILLIONAIRE."
The girls danced. I drank. Then I danced cause I was drunk. Then I ripped tim's shirt off cause I'm awesome.
I guess when I black out I feel that it's not inappropriate to grope my gf in front of her parents.... But hey at least I'm starting off 2013 single
"DO YOU LIKE FLYING KITES" WORKED AS A PICKUP LINE. SUCK IT.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Sounds like she has 4 first names. Like a sad version of Ricky bobby
Do you think it's wrong for me to hop on that dick before he realizes that he's gay?
My ex's new gf is pregnant and he is sterile, so 2016 is starting off well.
Note to self: never fuck a Canadian, surprisingly highly disappointing
If I'm gonna have a rotation of guys, I really should stop them leaving boob bruises...
I'm going to come in the middle of the night and attack you with spoons
Randomize