Damn. That makes sense
I know im like the sherlok holmes of sexual problems
Saw shirtless man with angel wing tramp stamp seen biking in my neighborhood. Considering moving.
Turns out they use me as an example of What Not To Do at freshman orientation. My little brother told me.
I passed out leaning next to a light pole. When the cop woke me up at 4 AM, I told him I was a block away from the apt, just had to stop to make a puke pit stop.
I don't want the last thing I hear while alive to be Jesse's Girl
Where are you, who is in my bed, why is he wearing a spandex onesie as underwear, how did i get teethmarks on my forehead, what are we doing tonight?
God only knows how I ended up there doing crown royal shots to the titanic and insighting a bar wide shit fest when I asked the dj to play levels
So, sleeping with all of my Vicodin in my bra because I knew she'd be searching my room for drugs tonight. I'LL SHOW HER.
I had to put a towel over my laptop because the little power light was too bright. New hangover low.
I'm taking tokes in the bath tub, come if you want, I'm naked and you have to bring chicken nuggets or else you can't come in
I really need to stop sending pussy pics if I'm going to be running for state representative in November
I just paid my school fees like a real adult who doesn't get accidentally drunk on a Tuesday night
Its like he got lessons from Jesus on how to use his tongue. And his dick.
I wasn’t trying to be creepy it just happened
I’m beginning to think that’s your defining personality trait.
Yeah. Broke it off. Saw her cheating after she forgot to turn her zoom off. Ring=$$$. Not making that mistake-priceless
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