the best job he will get is a sex ed teacher in alabama
Look dude I'm sorry I used your bong to snorkel in my bathtub last night
its not that he announces that he can deep throat a banana its the fact he knows he can and it makes me wonder how he found out
I don't care if he's straight, his cock will be in my mouth by midnight. Like a closeted Cinderella.
Ur gonna wake up early as dick tomorrow to do some responsible shit but im the one up at 3 am right now cooking brats soaked in keystone light so fuck your falling asleep ass bitch
And I'm also limping. I just wish that I had self control. I'm 23 for fuck sake and I'm sitting at work, with mascara down my face, vomit on my clothes and an unknown black substance on my tits. How will I ever find my Greek husband if I keep this up?
I chugged a beer while I was riding him and he told me it was the sexiest thing he has ever seen. this guy knows class when he sees it.
I'm currently braless eating the balls of the penis cake and drinking warm champagne. I'm 3 cats away from crazy at this point
You tried to impress her by kicking the 5th floor button in the elevator, but you ended up kicking everything from 3 to 11. Then you said, "pretty accurate, huh ladies?"
I wasn't half as drunk as u but u were saying u were a "worm" and u tried to slither out of my grasp
No fucking judgements. You know me. Chinese food vent sessions are safe places.
I mean I'm not saying I have my life together but I did just put nerds in a bottle of champagne and then drank from the bottle
Well. I had to explain to my niece that the word cunt is not an abbreviation for country. I'm the best aunt in the world.
I wanted to say, you're welcome for your orgasms, thanks for not returning the favor, Needledick
Legit sprained my cooter. No joke. Icing her down as we speak.
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