we need blinds so i can safely watch porn during the day
They let you pick the name that they announce for you at graduation. The professional world needs to prepare itself for papa smurf mcdonald.
You rolled out of the car, got on all fours and puked then just nonchalantly stood up and waved goodbye and thanks for the ride.
We don't need a hotel, we'll just sleep in the post office.
Gravity stopped and i'm discussing Greek philosophy with two guys I don't know. There's someone asleep on me. We need to use their dealer.
Do you think she will like "you don't have to swallow this time" gift certificates for Xmas?
Can we make a sex game out of monopoly somehow?
The best part is every argument that she makes from here on out will be refuted by "Oh hey remember that time you shit yourself wearing someone else's sweatpants at a frat party?"
Just watched my first Christmas porn of the year. Def have the spirit now
Yeah ok. We can maid of honor each other since you don't like my boobs enough to lesbian marry me
It must be love. I'm deleting my porn for him.
He sends me the same inspirational quote quotos that my grandma does. I no longer want to tap that.
I have to sleep with him. We're too much alike. It's like clash of the titans, except instead of clashing, he's putting it in me.
I only live four blocks from the bar but when you're hammered this walk feels like the journey through Mordor.
It’s official. I’ve hooked up with all three brothers now
You should go after Dad now
I should! He’s definitely middle age fuckable
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