There's a hobo dancing by himself. Is anyone going to ask how he got in the house?
Hey bro u need to come home now, me and andy just had a 15 minute conversation about fig newtons. f this bong
I remember tearing his shower curtain down but I don't remember trying to shave my vag...
I know it was you because you're the only person I know who gets drunk and craves soup.
Soup is delicious
Thanks for bailing me out last night guys. it's bullshit that everbeering people at bars is illegal. bitches have no sense of adventure anymore
todays sighting is titled: Bum taking pictures with an invisible camera.
FALSE ALARM! I didn't piss myself, I fell asleep in the shower and then drunkingly crawled into my bed
Will give head in exchange for a Netflix password. Serious inquiries only please.
Next time you see his dad you should let him know you are now Eskimo brothers.
Grass is always greener, Allison, grass is always greener
The grass is drunker and I'm lying down on it
I swear, the cow we tried to tip tried to eat me. and all I could think was, oh how the tables have turned. worst trip ever
No clue what you did last night, sorry. You did hand me a pizza and a mason jar with $1200 in small bills in it when I let you in though.
My whole life is a joke
Yeah. I’m starting to see why you drink so much.
It's not my fault I make her feel like a Taylor Swift album
He ate me out for my sailor moon manga and I gave him a blowjob for his Devilman manga. Pretty sweet deal imo
Randomize
