There was a ginger baby in the car next to me. I almost totaled my car into the center divide.
I tried to assassinate the ginger baby
We have to talk through the words with friends chat so his gf won't find out
Just walk-of-shame'd past fifteen little girls at summer camp. Take a good look girls, I am you in twelve years.
Just saw a dude in a banana costume get beat down by a one shoed black dude wearing a kilt...paninis is such a shit show after 10 on a Saturday
I woke up this morning covered in blood and peanut butter. I am now safe from vampires with nut allergies.
asked the cab driver where he learned Swahili last night.
At what point lastnight did a lens fall out of my glasses and nobody tell me?
Operation "Inform her family she stars in a sadistic lesbian porn film" is in full effect. She picked the wrong guy to cheat on.
Texas State Troopers call you ma'am even when they arrest you for public nudity and after you've puked on their cruiser. Country boys raised right.
Jake and I will do a protection ritual for ur dick I don't know where she has been
Have you seen that new toaster that burns your pics to toast? Let's drink some booze and discuss what I have I mind.
Do you think this 2 hour Amazon delivery thing works on vibrators? Cause that would be clutch
Okay, but that still doesn't explain all the glitter in my puke.
I just gave a fucking twenty minute blowiob.. I'm a GOOD girlfriend.
Only you would make Mario Party a contact sport.
And you owe me a new pair of switch controllers.
Randomize
