So #1 way to come back last night and #2 wishbone and I broke into his house and i opened joey's door and u were both passed out and pantless.
I walked into cold stone and the guy started preparing a supersized birthday cake remix for "Mrs. Munchies"
2 bagels in my tummy and my herpes on my mind
He said he had a gf but the monogamy was "only implied".
There was an audience eating triscuts and bananas in the bathroom while watching him puke. It was a good birthday.
The twins are whispering in turkish together. I think I did something bad last night.
whoever put homecoming and halloween on the same weekend owes me a new liver and a get out of jail free card.
Remember when I referred to my box of wine as my briefcase and made all of those stupid jokes about working overtime? Thanks for ignoring my cry for help.
Dude walks in wearing jean shorts and a graphic tshirt and goes home with an attractive female. EXPLAIN YOURSELF UNIVERSE.
I feel I must have sex with him first to fully decide where my vagina belongs.
someone needs to name a hurricane after you
He took me home and by the time I woke up after catching up on sleep I realized I accidentally put on one of his fiances socks. whoops.
He's like a sexy bearded lumberjack who likes wine.. I can't lose..
Went home with a guy last night with Taco Bell sauce in my hair and on my pants
My parents are being so annoying about my colon.
Randomize
