we should start having sex in the shower. less clean up.
It was my birthday today and i decided that i am not checking my notifications on facebook so ill feel popular
Wrong number and your a loser
I ran out of diet so I'm mixing captain with a juice box. Being a mom has finally paid off.
I got a chicken sandwich and a frosty out of her. Better then having sex
i was wearing footie pjs. how could there be confusion as to who i hooked up with, thats not something you forget
I tried to take a photo for proof but couldn't hold my penis, camera, and measuring tape all at the same time.
I have got to stop assigning last names to girls I get numbers from based on what I think will remind me of them... Sarah Petrydish is not an acceptable memory trigger
remember that guy i blew in a bathroom in barcelona, i just blew him again in rome. lightning does strike twice.
Porn. Physics. Porn. Icecream. Porn. That's my life now.
I came in and she was laying on the ground just stoking it saying "the floor is where our feet step"
I turned around and there were three 10 year old kids running around with sparklers. Weirdest college part ever.
Welcome to Philly.
Wanna shave the hair on my back? If you're offended I was joking, if not I'll bring booze and maybe you can do other regions too.
I've entered the world of uncircumcised penises. It's disgusting.
Your roommates will be treating you to many anecdotes about my intentions to have aggressive sex with you. I'm sorry in advance.
dude, next time you say lets go on an adventure, tell me if there are going to be psychotrophics involved before hand.
Randomize
