Fun fact: when I ripped off my wristband, I punched myself in the face. Rad
After you pregamed and were plastered you saw the cop was parked illegally so you gave him a citizens arrest
Yo I tried to get u stoned for ur dreams by blowing weed smoke in ur face while u slept. Ur welcome.
You kno how some people just need a "everything will be alright" pat on the back? I need an "everything will be alright" blowjob right now. Come over
I won't apologize to a one balled man
Would it be inappropriate to rub one out in the gym shower? I mean, technically, I pay $80 a month to do what I want so could they really say anything?
Shower is fine. Steam room is shady. I've probably done both at one point in my life so I can't be used as a good reference.
Is the booze for tonight or the apocalypse?
Both. Pregaming the zombie party and hurricane sustenance.
WHY did you say no to the sex seance?
Now when you said you'd never sleep with me, did you really mean never on a Monday or never without handcuffs or a blindfold or never on a airplane or never without lots of booze? Cus never is a pretty strong word.
I could not handle jail. And my very angry parents.
I think the best course of action at this point is to cut his balls off to get him to stop reproducing
I can say with absolute certainty the only time we ever had a civil conversation was when we agreed we both liked pizza.
I look excited, but its just a facade.
are you still up? I want to use you for sexual things. you have 35 minutes to respond to this offer.
I think my time would be better spent seducing the TA then trying to save this paper.
Randomize
