There were 3 chicks in my bed I didn't know when I got home. Now I know all of them. Biblically.
i found a dude playing guitar on the portapotty
just told my mom that i'm having a bad day and she responded with "maybe you should pour yourself a nice drink". good to know that my parents support my future of alcoholism
I made a mac n' cheesicle. Better in my head than in real life. Gonna keep smoking to see if it gets better.
She gave me a blow job and her mom gave me blueberry muffin afterwards. I love them.
I just sit in the cubicle for 8 hours and do keagles.
Revised rule: don't put your dick in the general vacinity of mental instability.
Not even dry humping. Not even a little bit.
I hate find pieces of condom wrappers on carpet. It's like god is throwing flakes of shame for me to vacuum up
We couldve played the bring a random boy to lunch game but i made him go home
They sleep with other people as long as there is no oral. Logic and reason were thrown out the window a long time ago with them.
I'm pretty sure the Jahovah's witness only came to our door because the front says "Twerk Or Treat"
I found a door knob in my purse this morning, I hope whoever it belonged to doesn't need it today.
hahahah
He came inside and met my grandmother after we had sex in the driveway. I love that he has a van.
My dog just blew me a kiss. First of all I'm stoned and second of all he's a pitbull. Those aren't sexual dogs. So wtf.
I Never thought my late 30s would end up with me getting eaten out on a desk in the managers office of a lululemon, but I guess being a franchise owner has its perks!
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