***** fucked a guy with one hand last night
Hey I found your number in my phone i dont remember how we met this is richard btw
strange i dont have your number must have been a drunk thing
could be more
absolutely not
I'm not crazy, I only keep calling you cause you won't pick up.
Party at my house. Liquor pinata. Your presence is required.
I mean I knew we were putting on quite a show but I didnt realize HOW good until I woke up and 4 people were passed out with their ears to the bedroom door.
The magic cards should have been the first clue. The comments that I have "amazing birthing hips" and that I'm "beautiful in a child bearing sort of way just sealed his fate.
Gave the kid in the wheelchair at the bus stop a beer and proceede to lift him on the bus. porch drinking brings out the best in everyone
I'll probably just lay on my couch bra-less sipping wine out of a straw so I don't have to lift my head.
So should I finish watching Space Jam and then get head? Or get head while secretly watching Space Jam?
I still have way too many Frat houses to get blackout drunk at before I'm get in any type of relationship
I just read through our messages from yesterday and realized we both referred to me tearing my penis as a good thing. What the fuck.
He fed us edamame like baby birds. Slowly all coming back to me.
If you don't come home and fuck me soon I'm walking over there naked and dragging you home by your penis
If I could steal your goatee and hide it under my bed to keep your from wearing it, I would.
I wish the guy in the stall next to me would stop moaning while taking a dump.
I wish you'd stop texting me from the toilet.
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