I just spent the night with a bunch of indian guys and i wasn't attracted to a single one. Yeah i've officially become an anti-indian indian.
Also I am about to cut a ringtone from "Sex Machine" so James Brown can tell me to "get up, get on up" in the morning
I once woke up to the scream from 'get up offa that thing' and smacked my head on my desk
i was puking in the toilet, he walked in and to talk to me and started puking in the sink.. Could this be my perfect man??
So i guess i slapped the girl sitting next to me leg and said "You know what they say, got fat legs...you gotta fat BOX"
Can I get a DUI with a shopping cart? I've nearly hit 2 displays and little girl...
Did you rob me and blame it on the strippers?
Pitchers of shots should be outlawed. I've puked more than i've breathed in the past half hour.
Halfway through he got an idea for a short story so he wrote it in magic marker on my boobs. Yeah, he's a keeper.
From time to time I think I'm happy for a second and then I remember how a guy stopped me from giving him head on my birthday weekend.
Haha, I gave you the rest of the cash I had on me and you bought 3 shots for yourself and beer for everybody except me FUCKFACE.
You went in the back with her.. And honestly I couldn't tell her neck from her tits man..
I was just thinking about our drunk conversation about having sex with elephants the other night. Love you bud. Stay strong.
My bail money is reserved for people I either A, think were in the right, or B, have an awesome story that leads up to needing it. Just remember that before you call me.
We knew it was an interesting night when we found my thong wrapped around a chocolate chip muffin in the fridge.
I just got wasted for $3.50. My life can't get any better.
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