why did i save someone in my phone as corn dildo?
Gfs sis is in town. Its awkwardly obv that we want to fuck each other.
She told me she was going to ride me so hard i would cum the ghosts of my ancestors...its gonna be a good time
I want to bury your face in my vagina. Possibly by force. I will try not to suffocate you though.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Jared is "trying to bite a strangers hat off" drunk. Oh, and that stranger is a girl at a table of 5 guys, one girl.
From scraping the remnants from a coke bag at a lingerie party to meeting with an 80 year old man to discuss civil rights all in under 12 hours bizarrely feels like the epitome of my life
The bartender said he wanted to turn you gay, and we got free shots the rest of the night
I think the closest to heaven you can get in this world is your morning dump after a night of Molly
You know I love you. I just don't love your penis.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I mean, it was a fun hookup and he's cute and whatnot, but he wouldn't go down on me. Plus he's a republican. Idk why but those things feel like they go hand in hand.
Well he had a nice beard and it smelled good so there was no way I wasn’t going home with him.
I told you about the baby at the graduation party that looked into my eyes and knew I was empty inside
Wearing panties to a party gives you a whole new perspective on life.
OMG also, I'm sorry I tased you a lil
Replacing my paralegal is easy. Replacing my favorite office fuck toy is a totally different story. Damn him for wanting to better himself instead of being my manwhore
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