It doesn't matter if they shave you or not, you're still susceptible to the staph infection.
Mental picture: Us at a bar keeping it classy shot gunning PBR's in the corner.
That was a good example of when keeping it real goes right
i wish there were pregnant emoticons
Dude. Creed is coming in september.
We're no longer friends.
This Casey James character from American Idol is really gonna mess up my sex life.
Or maybe the fact that you know who Casey James is will be what messes up your sex life.
I smoked weed with pregnant girl. I'm going to hell.
I'm legit concerned I might pass out this weekend from having too much sex.
How did you get a free t-shirt at the strip club?
I was attacked by whores
You threw up on yourself again didn't you?
They were strong whores
After an hour of searching for my pants, we had three people looking. They were finally found in the oven.
Obviously last night's theme was "Let's Make Bad Life Choices"
I need a life alert for his random dick pics. My heart can't handle that.
I just twinged a muscle in my shoulder trying to hug myself. In the world of loneliness-based injuries, this is a new low for me.
I just went on etsy and my personalized suggestions on the page were either kinky sex restraints or baby things. I feel like etsy just summarized my life.
Well, I got fired yesterday. At least I already paid for my Adele tickets.
Pandemic Silver Lining: cheap hotel rates makes it easier to have afternoon fun with my side dick
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