Have fun fixing the bed from last night Bob Villa.
At least you didn't call me Brittany this time
how the fuck does easy mac keep making itself at 3am when i'm wasted? what is this phenomenon?
The trip involved octopus tentacles coming from the little holes in my TV's speakers. The beauty of the nonexistant symbolism had me in tears.
This girl has a mullet weave. I missed oakland.
Yeah I should probably start planning our first conversation instead of our first child.
Dude, you were dipping oreos in vodka and asking people to try it, "It's so good!"
okay the fridge is completely filled only with alcohol. Not even exaggerating. There is no food.
Sometimes I wonder if we're going to make it to 40.
Almost to work. And still feel hungover. Like my body is trying to regenerate after dying. Full on zombie shit. But like, one of those zombies from warm bodies that comes back to life slowly.
What's the place called?
I searched "county" on google, but....there's a lot of results
Soooo we should kick it sometime when it's like light outside. Drink outta cups.. Be bitches. 7, 6, 3, 5.. 4, 2, 1... Sschhkiddaellladiieessscchk
I need a drink. No, several. I need several drinks. Drunk, I need to be drunk. Definitely need to be drunk
She doesn't even give a fuck about angle. I seriously gotta start doing like penis yoga or something.
In the last 2 hours I managed to have romantic starlit sex on the beach as the tide came in with not only just a gorgeous man, but one who happens to be Eastern European and finishing Harvard law school.
Oh wow. I want to be you right now.
That Spanish guy who looks like Ben Affleck from that club we went to 3 weeks ago is still texting me.. He clearly doesn't remember what I look like.
She tied me to the bed and did lines off my chest before sex. I’m going to put that on my bucket list just so I can cross it off
Randomize
