xbox live and facebook are tricking me into believing I actually have an active social life
I think the world might be a better place if everyone was capable of having open relationships.
No, that was the night I was sneezing out barf
I came home to my brother stoned out of his mind. He got a high score on COD and asked me to have a celebration yogurt with him.
She's walking around topless with a bottle of red wine, crying and singing showtune ballads. This is actually an improvement.
Oh and probably wearing a life jacket instead of clothes didn't help things either
college stoner meal of the day: microwaved nutrigrain bars
Theres a guy in your room wearing a franzi box costume and some girl is in the box giving him head.
Ive seen his manscaping faults. Given the choice I'd rather dry hump a cactus
If he can forgive your lousy blowjobs, you can ignore his terrible driving.
The trash can in my living room is full of Popsicle sticks and my vibrator has taken up permanent residence on my coffee table. I'm not doing anything productive. Clearly.
I just went through the Wendy's drive thru only wearing a towel. My life has hit an all time low
Every person I've ever had sex with is in Chipotle right now.
his mom walked in while he was eating me out. and my vag was facing the door. luckily his face was in it.
I just shaved my legs via the sink as to not wake my parents up because I know I'll be having marathon sex tomorrow after my certification exam... so this is life after college.
Randomize
