I feel like a panda just shit rainbows on my mind
If its vodka, everyone is attractive. Tequila, everyone is dead sexy, single and fuckable.
birthday sex, birthday sex, birthday sex
I'm on my period, period, period
im gonna call it quits for tonight... I am so drunk I dont even have the motor skills to masturbate
I dont think yelling "Grab your dicks, time for pics!" helped your case either.
I dont care how high you are "yes" is not the correct response to "what do you want from Taco Bell" Mom.
I believe nudity is frowned upon at that establishment
Maybe. I want to have sex at the fire station, most likely on one of the trucks. I wonder if I can finagle that before I tire of the spelling and grammatical errors in his texts.
BTW car sex works all the muscle groups. Just sayin. Legs/butt are sore as are arms, back and core.
It was a mess. I sat on the kitchen floor with maple whiskey and cried into a bowl of poutine. I've never even been to canada
Don't do shots out of Tostitos scoops.
When you wear a dress that resembles the shape and color of Kirby to a wedding, you get the attention you deserve.
As a rule...I don't sleep with my friends or watch movies with talking dogs
You know that text I sent you last night at 2? That was 5 minutes before I ran face first into a wall of not okay
scale of one to ten how loathsome is it to save my chocolate easter bunny to use for a topping on my edibles
Randomize
