What the fuck I just showed up to court still drunk and the judge told me I smelled like his wife
Okay call me later ill be watching lifetime and scrubbing throw up off my feet
Facebook really needs to add a bikini picture profile tab for girls, it would really save me countless amounts of time!
dude.. you lit a cigarette on the bus and told the driver it was okay because you were fire marshall of your boy scout troop
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
it's already thursday and i haven't gotten drunk yet...something's not right.
so I'm in athletic shorts, a suit jacket and I'm still drunk at 6:30am at the last leg of relay for life
is it bad that upon arriving to my fourth sex toy party the sex toy lady instantly recognizes me?
he tried to make a toast, but hit the moving ceiling fan with his beer instead
Just think about how many life skills I lack. Cooking... Driving... Sobriety...
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Some mysterious chinese delivery man dropped off 2 free egg rolls. Clutch
Just got caught staring at a woman breast feeding. My only response was, "She's so adorable".
I have never fucking hated the horrible sound of dozens of off-key recorders BLARING their fucked rendition of "Fais Do-Do" in unison against the screams of an adult male... more than I do now. This is why people avoid teaching. Kill me. End it all.
ANIME MEN ARE MAKING ME QUESTION MY SEXUALITY AGAIN
I'm pretty sure I hallucinated the existence of an entire human being last night.
No we were too stoned to stop you from wiping the peanut butter all over the car.
Randomize