He called the drink "The Annexation of Puerto Rico". He wouldn't tell us whats in it but said that we should all fear for our lives. Let's do this.
All I remember was after sex she kept trying to take pictures of my dick "for memories"
No, I don't not want an upside down piggyback ride. You're drunk and there are rocks.
Oh god I can't handle any more dudes. I just walk of shamed to work wearing a guy's boxers and a life jacket. This summer is going to kill me.
Dear Penis Owner...our records show that you are overdue for servicing...please contact our friendly associates to schedule a thoroughly satisfying experience today...operators are standing by...
He threw me over his shoulder and carried me outside, all the while drinking from the bottle of rum he was holding, while my ex watched. I'm winning the break-up.
I can not be a lesbian living on Beaverland.
I was Jaeger weird. I was rolling on the floor pretending to be an Olympic gymnast and my name was Gina
I literally stopped banging her when my ESPN app alerted me that the Spurs had won. That's how much I hate Lebron. I would rather watch him cry in the post game interviews than get it in
Hold on...did you Instagram a picture of you and your boyfriend while you were sending me dirty snapchats?
There's no button for "gave my boyfriend's cock to a friend" on my intimacy calendar.
What happened to you last night?
SO. MANY. SHOTS.
I almost wrecked my car because of a guy in skinny jeans had a boner
don't think less of me for this, but i'm pretty sure he did a line off my boob last night.
HILY FUCK HES HERE I HAVE MONISTAT IN ME HE SUPRISED ME
Randomize
