I had a disgustingly explicit dream last night involving myself and lil wayne.
ok so the lil girl sitting behind u was picking the hairs off ur sisters back and putting them in her mouth
i just googled 'classy porn'. high, low, i dunno i just got bored of cum shots.
My mom is pretending to be Paula Deen while making breakfast...I'm pretty sure she's sober.
She threw up a whole curly fry. A. WHOLE. CURLY. FRY.
He didn't speak any English, but I think I caught the word turtle in there somewhere.
Why would he say turtle mid-fuck?
its barely noon and he already threw up and i have second degree burn
I made him ride the giant pony statue in my friends little sisters room before i let him get in the bed.
Christ, I really took the slutcake last night.
Wait. Someome brought slutcake?
I think I'm done drinking. How did we end up partying at a frat house with my mom...
I try not to have friends with attractive fathers, it only brings my morals down.
I'm at the point where I'm more upset that he got to keep my bottle of Fireball than that he stopped talking to me with no explanation
I look at it as community service. He was going through a rough time and I gave him an ego boost. That's how we're going to remember it. I was doing a good deed lol
He took some pill and now he's on all fours demanding we give him chips from the dog bowl. Come get him.
I hate when my Bumble matches make it hard for me to stalk them.
Randomize
