I'll probably hate you when I'm sober
Some dude just bet me $8 I couldn't smoke a pack of cigarettes in an hour...It sounds stupid, but I really wanna do it. If I survive, I'll have $8 and it'll look good on my resume.
high in an attic. pig roast in 10.
I was to drunk to walk in jimmy john's so I called and got a pickle delivered to me outside the bar , too much?
God damn. I'm really starting to resent babies. They're everywhere. Like fucking land mines.
The way I see it, everyone on campus has a fake, but I'm the only person who actually makes beer in their dorm.
What's a good pandora station to masturbate to?
and I think you ate the old crusty spaghetti on the counter when we came home last night judging by the carnage
I whipped my shit out and she just stared at it with a mean face. It was like a face off in a heavyweight boxing fight.
He expects to fuck my tits but will ignore me in public.
have you ever seen all dogs go to heaven this is important
I based a lot of our friendship on the fact that I thought you were crying from feeling so sad for me when I got crabs. I'm not sure if we can ever be as close now.
I've entered the world of uncircumcised penises. It's disgusting.
The fake number she gave me was for Pappa John's. Now I have a large pepperoni on the way.
Last night I watered my lawn and smoked a joint then cooked a steak. I'm really killing this adulthood thing.
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