There is a man on the balcony beside me who claims he is a triceratops. He roared and asked me for a cigarette, telling me he'd eat me if I refused. I love college.
The make-up sex just reminded me why we broke up in the first place.
I woke up to 'call me' written in red lipstick on my chest. Thats the hottest/sluttiest thing ever. I win at LIFE!
I'm at the casino and some dude apparently has money in an entire row of slot machines. Its like watching a really intense adult version of wack a mole
This morning my doorman told me it was an accomplishment for me to be standing and conscious after last night.
he pretended not to hear me say our safety word. how do you think I feel?
he came on my stomach, took his sock off, wiped it up, put his sock back on along with his shoes and left.
Someone took a picture of their balls on my phone last night. BEAUTIFUL PACKAGE. I will find this man.
In less than 24 hrs I went from conversing with Nobel Laureate, to hangover vomiting in front of a drive thru cashier
I only had sex with him so I could try to steal his roommate's cat, what kind of girl do you think I am?
Puke, feathers, beads, and solo cups all on my way to class. I'm surprised anyone's alive after this weekend.
So what did you do since you didn't go out?
...ate chocolate and watched bring it on....it's like I don't even know what it would look like to be straight.
When you wake up to a porn star on your couch telling you, you better tell your boyfriend about last night.
I am sitting in my lingerie, eating frozen cookie dough out of a bowl, and watching family. My hump day is going great
I give out orgasms like candy and ride a motorcycle...how is that not appealing
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