i should write a book entitled 'the joys of being sexually objectified'
honey bunches of taint.
he fingered my asshole thinking it was my vag...I couldn't bring myself to tell him, mostly from shame for me and pity for him
i can't believe he got me to come over to him by waving a natty light at me.
just had amazing sex with a girl I got caught with in second grade playing doctor. her examination is finallllly over
I had 4 margarita's and 2 mixed drinks and i blew zero's. Its a cinco de mayo miracle.
Oh no I havn't even told you about the naked asians yet
my mom just walked in on me in the shower doing the "ass hair shave" pose.
Watching frozen planet. There's a beach master sea lion with about 50 sea lion bitches fighting another sea lion for said bitches. It's a bloody battle. Dude. You have over 50. Share.
Just found weed in an empty handle. Who knew Capitan Morgan was also a gardener?
We're going to brunch on Super Bowl Sunday. I am not a smart man.
You pretended to be Borat in that weird slingshot bathing suit and then proceeded to send another dick pic/nude selfie and said you weren't naked because you were wearing a hat.
How old am I that I had to sneak a boy out of my room this morning...
How hot? Like... how many hemsworths?
The frequency with which I change my vibrator batteries is getting a little ridiculous....
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