oh my she just said cum sticks to her dentures so when she blows if they let her she takes them out
she was screaming in french about how classy it was to be drinking wine. oh... she was drinking it out of the bottle. with a beer in her other hand while throwing up.
They threw me out of the bar because I was arguing business ethics with the owner of th bar
Now you know why i just sit on the toilet and scream
We just had to use a designated driver to get to night class.
I woke up to him drunk-t-bagging me, saying "huevos rancheros" were being served for breakfast.
I said I was going to sleep an hour ago. Now I'm making plans to get high with the guy who mows your lawn.
I caught myself flirting with clients today. Someone needs to take me to pound town before I self destruct. This is a code red. I repeat code red.
I peed my pants walking home last night... I just kept walking.
i just found my fake in the snow. LIFE IS AWESOME
I air guitared a man's prosthetic leg on the bar to Bruce Springsteen. That's how it's going
I made the last cup in beer pong off the dude's hat. I also faintly remember rapping Forever by Drake during said game.
We should buy t shirt guns and blow eggs out of them at his house. Bachelorette party
Saw a thong on the yellow lines of the street when I left this morning, are they yours by any chance?
I got a free corona t-shirt and all I had to do was drink a beer. This needs to be a more widely accepted form of currency.
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