she keeps a pillow, blanket, and a pack of saltines under the bathroom sink, for "rough nights".
I just introduced him to multiple male orgasms. I love wine AND tequila
Wow, I just sneezed gum out of my nose. Wonder how long that's been up there.
He was waring a speedo fashioned out of american flag bandanas and when he got hard he said "you're such a patriot...raising the american flag like that"
Its only tuesday and I need a dd home from work. This is getting too easy.
Ok say I was sexually attracted to a patient who also happens to be in high school...on how many levels is that illegal? And will I actually hear the laws break when I fuck him
he just asked me for a tag team. like at least let me get changed out of your roommates clothes from last night first...
Please be advised that because of last year's "incident" we will no be starting St. Pat's day with spicy breakfast burritos and car bombs. Please plan accordingly.
my vagina can't take this anxiety. there is no way he is 19 and this smooth. he's lying about his age or he's a goddamn sexual prodigy
All I want is to send a text that says "i slept with someone while wearing nothing but purple argyle socks this weekend." But the only person i would send that to is you. But you already know. Because they were your socks.
There's a woman at the bar holding a baby with one arm and doing shots of GM with the other. The baby is crying. I have lost faith in humanity.
I have a present for you
Like a legit gift, not just me showing up and getting naked
What happened after I vommed in your shirt that I was wearing and threw it out the window on the highway?
yeah im watching him make his speech now. cant take him seriously tho. hes talking about funding for education and all i can think about is how ive seen what he looks like wearing womens underwear...
My vagina has a mind if its own. Can you imagine if I didnt have you to run her ideas through.
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