really keith? you showed me your dick and your not gonna text me back
she would be the type to have more hair on her twat than on her head
she has to be all "alternative"
youre just mad i got the high score on the breathalyzer
Hypothetically, how much legal trouble do you think i will be in for stealing someone's dog?
It's only 11:30 and she's already making friends with the homeless...
Hey, hey, hey, hey. This is a hurriCAN.
currently pooping in a public restroom while drinking free beer. there has never been a finer line between awesome and depressing.
I just threw up over a bridge. I didn't even know there was a bridge in this town. Vodka is like a transportation device.
I don't think people appreciate how hard it is to fuck in a portapotty. Sarah and I had train for that shit.
He got cut off by the bartender. So he kept buying people drinks of they would i get him a drink. Before you know it him and 8 people were outside the bat trying to get people. To by them drinks
Sorry was covered in semen when you texted me. Just walking back from the Harvard Club
All you needed to say was one of those sentences and the other would've been implied.
The girl I was Skype sexing just asked for a moment of silence for robin Williams.
Cheese, the small of a woman's back, the universe, mountains, vampiric demons, sleep, and dreams.
I'm committing myself to dance. Also, I'm unsure if you said space party sounded lame because dude was old, but I hope you're over it because I love space, and I love David Bowie and I love to dance, and you need to embrace this with me.
I woke up this morning to my panties draped around the neck of an empty bottle of bulleit. That is the perfect visual metaphor for my life at this juncture.
Randomize
