You're in luck. The brownies don't even have butter, just vege oil
we just got in the car and birthday sex is playing
that is a sign the 3 of us should have a threesome
we agree. completely
just accidentally masturbated with tiger balm. best. accident. ever.
malibu coconut giveth, and malibu coconut taketh away
By the way, thank you for feeding me fries when I was sitting on the floor.
Some chick just barfed in my math class. Everyone here is hungover. Yay community college
I am going to ride along with a cop tonight so please don't get arrested because that would be super awkward for me.
I'm out of town so we should be golden.
June 16th my calendar just says boobietassels....I can only assume that has to do with you
He tried to take a picture of me naked but only got my ass. I don't know his name but if my butt is a guys wallpaper, that's the one I boned.
I just remembered that last night I seriously contemplated swallowing the cap to my toothpaste
I found my soulmate. Behold my idiot as we spaz into the sunset.
NO FUCKBOY SHALL PASS OPERATION #BITCHMODE HAS SUCCEEDED
I guess I was running around slapping people in the face with a slice of turkey telling them that the only way to beat alcohol addiction is to go cold turkey.
I told you that we shouldn't have sex. You said "its okay I already saw you pee" apparently that was convincing
I just want a guy who makes lots of money, has a skilled penis and the sex drive of a 22 year on Viagra. Is that too much to ask?
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