those bitches were sniggering at my man-pris like they were goddesses of fashion!
...dude i pray you are quoting something, someone, anyone...
then we talked for a little and he asked my last name which since I have yet to get a fb request I'm 95% sure its for a restraining order
Admitting I go to nursing school is my subtle way of saying, yes, I know every muscle in your penis and how to effectively use them.
Wrapped in a blanket, just ate a whole party pizza. All my dreams are coming true and you don't even care.
How many people slept in the bouncy castle last night?
4 guys, 1 girl. Pretty sure were gonna have to pay the cleaning fee
The bond between me and cheese is something no man can understand.
last night on the strip the guy screamed at you YOU GOTTA WORK ON YOUR CALVES.
We were supposed to hurry because the restaurant closed at 9. I ended up giving him a blow job so we had to eat at Arby's instead.
My brother and I have had one conversation in the past like 3 weeks and it was about what it would be like as a sentient butt plug
I just unmatched him. If your Thirsty Thursday only consists on the gym then I am not the woman for you ✌🏻️
I'm taking pictures of my asshole to send to my boss. This is not what I had in mind the day after thanksgiving.
It's so Britney 2007, you know?
Like I wasn't going to make out with the hot Australian sitting next to me at the Portland blazer game?
I POOPED CONFETTI TOO. Ingested unacceptable amount of it oh my god can I die from this?
WAIT this kid is eating yogurt with a fucking ladle. what is happening?
Randomize
