You made me cry and you don't even care
don't ever try to run hungover. just puked mid-run in front of an old couple that were going for a walk. they were horrified.
as she was beating the hell out of his ex, she screamed prison rules, and smashed her head with a beer bottle. I'm oddly afraid yet so attracted to her now.
Had a drag queen carry me to the car. So I'm told...
I'm sitting next to some random guy in a gorilla suit drinking out of a bottle of vodka.
He's majoring in Religion
I knew it was going to be a good night when i heard another girl call his dick "Thor's Hammer"
I just faked an orgasm while masturbating. Idk what exactly my problem is but I have one
New war strategy! The ex-girlfriend of my ex-girlfriend is now my twice a week booty call!
Also, there's definitely not a non-hilarious way to ask to stick something up your butt.
Then James put his arms through the window and grabbed him, like he was Robocop. A nerdy, portly Robocop.
Who is this?
Um I got a ride home from the bar with two random boys and one tried to bang me on my parents riding mower
Sometimes I just take my boobs out of my shirt so they can get some fresh air
Is it sad that I just pissed sitting down so I didn't have to stop eating doritos?
You were so drunk Last night you asked for your glasses so you could read the directions on a band aid
Put my boyfriend in a chastity cage while he was passed out last night. Now I control his orgasms.
Randomize
