I want the hot one, scratch that. anyone.
And I just remember seeing him for the first time and being like, who is this ape of a man? Like legit he could be the missing link
HOnestly. That's my one goal for this whole trip. I don't give a shit about souvenirs or sand. I want penis.
My Grampa even called her out for being a cock block at the bar...it was that serious
If everything I've heard is true, then she's lost her virginity three times
I wore sweatpants. When I show up to a booty call in sweatpants there's your warning
Just so were clear I meant the head your face is on
She's just done the monthly not prego dance around our kitchen
Jesus, I just want to drink. Also simultaneously punch things and rub my vagina on them.
I'm pretty sure that's why we have such good sex because we are secretly trying to kill each other
Don't drink and shop. I went for happy hour and came home with a fog machine. I now have no other choice but to scare the shit out of my neighbors with it.
Maybe you should stop dating for awhile if the chicks aren't working out. Reacquaint yourself with your hand or something.
He literally said, while inside me, "I would smack your ass but I don't want to wake my mom up". Amazing.
Nothing says girls night like wine cheese and pregnancy tests 😂
Actually I really wish that I was drinking so I could ask him for breakup sex and then later blame it on my alcoholic tendencies. Maybe tomorrow instead.
Randomize
