just won a stolen shopping cart in a dance off in a parking lot.
You dont ever try to use your dick as a power washer to get bits of poop of the toilet bowl?
Yeah sketchy neighborhood.. Some woman ran by screaming, "i didn't steal anything" as some cops rolled up and arrested her.
theyre doing DJ Khaled impressions again...
It's not a good night until someone eats a bagel covered in face mask thinking it's cream cheese
She literally pulled the door off the hinges and "dropped" it down the stairs... Do I just say 'good job' and put her to sleep?
I'll be there in spirit. Right there in your vagina.
There is nothing wrong with me introducing you as elephant dick. Nothing.
My dad just asked if I could bring snacks to jail this weekend. Like what does he think this is, some type of adult play date?
haha it's ok, I asked people. I was like "I'm high and lost" and the dude just said "That's my life. Love it."
That Kevin guy is something else...His penis is fucking glorious. And he has a way with words. If he lived here I'd be the conductor of the fuck caboose. I mean literally I would never want to get off that thing.
That's why my New Years resolution was no more blondes. They're all bad news
And the 'kicked out of Xmas party' trophy goes to me. 3rd nomination, first win.
Cocaine bath bombs are a really bad idea
As in, legitimately worried. You just sent me a 6 message long text that did not contain any complete words.
Randomize
