yo I wanna see you, bring that beard of yours
I'm driving in the middle of nowhere, and I just saw a stuffed Barney hanging from a noose on a tree. Maybe I should turn around.
Her eyes are really red like she jus got out of the hospital and shes coughing ...80 ppl at her school do have swine flu dude
So your saying just a blow job?
Saw my boss's vagina at that party. Hung over at work has never been more acceptable
I'm sorry but I have WAY too many sex/ hookup related bruises on visible areas to be going home tmrw
Am I allowed to compare getting cum'd on the face to a warm summer rain?
You straight up wore me out. This should be a proud moment for you. It's almost like my penis is asking for a timeout. But not really
So apparently nutella and chocolate body paint aren't actually the same thing.
I think we need a list of things that are automatic NO's for dating a guy. Married, definitely a no now
He was pretty handsy. Told me I tasted like smoke. Good think he tasted that and not the stomach acid I just puked not ten minutes before.
this whole "benign brain tumor" is truly a blessing in disguise. I almost want to start bringing MRIs to the bar because sympathy pussy is flowing like the nile
Dude, we got to the strip club as they were closing, and you starting crying because, and I quote, "This is the closest to birthday sex I'm gonna get."
I just had drunken sex with an eagle scout behind the boy scouts of america building. what has my life come to?!
It's to the point where if a guy can so much as find my clit, I'll consider him amazing in bed
I just found glitter glue on my jesus bracelet...am I really that gay?
Randomize
