Dude, way to rack up $80 in pornos in the hotel room last night, and not tell me before I got blindsided at check out.
Heh. Guess I ordered some porno last night. Heh.
My goal for the party is to get everyone in a diaper. Reasonable?
A horse told me not to drive home last night. I think there was a cop on top of it.
There is something about weddings and lines being done off my ass
What's the protocol on showing a video of me sucking the life out of my ex in order to prove beyond a doubt that I give great head???
His parents had a bottle of captain morgan on the table for me when I went for dinner. I feel accepted
If Amber from Teen Mom can get a new boyfriend, so can I.
Its like no one cares im drunk naked wet and ready to throw myself at some one hold on i found a solution to my problems
I love pie. Pie understands me and the spatula
I can't help but feel like we would be friends still if my phone didn't always capitalize BUTTLOAD...
He challenged me to a drink off, I couldn't just say no. It was a matter of pride really.
And as he was cursing your name from the bathroom you were ordering yourself another drink on his tab. The poor bastard had no clue you were a pro drunk
My gynaecologist hit my g-spot today by accident and for some reason I went "at least someone found it" VERY AWKWARD
Just got a 15 minute lecture from a drag queen about how bisexuality doesn't exist. Cher would be so disappointed in her.
wanna see your best friend chug a bottle of steak sauce?
please go to sleep
DO NOT TRY TO APPROACH HER CAT. IT IS A DEMON CAT FROM SATAN'S BALLS AND IT *WILL* TRY TO KILL YOU. I SPEAK FROM EXPIRENCE.
I just googled "how to blow an uncircumcised guy" and did serious research. That's how badly I want to fuck him.
You misuse your internet privileges.
Randomize
