addddeeerrraaaallll.
ok i'm not sure if that was a success statement or a cry for help.
there was 4 little kids screaming in high pitched voices at the top of their lungs at the sox game and their mom just leaned over to me and said 'if thats not birth control i dont know what is'
You would get kicked out of the study lounge for being drunk the monday of finals week
at russian wedding, no open bar. bottles of vodka at table. getting to work tomorrow may be an issue.
I don't care what we do tonight, as long as it makes me forget that my boyfriend just told me he likes taking it up the ass from big guys dressed as construction workers
I feel like after that many guys, all of the water in your body is just replaced with pure jizz, honestly.
You were chugging tap water out of a running blender screaming "bubbles is Perrier mother fucker"
I walked by the two of them and mouthed "fuck me" based on there reaction I think they just came in their pants
How the fuck does a person bruise an armpit? I swear to god, I get the lamest drunk injuries.
I took out the emergency phone in the elevator and replaced it with a bottle of vodka. The game is simple, do a shot for the number of the floor you're going to. Best suggestion box tip ever.
did I ever tell you about my gay jesus theory?
I'm fucking blazing boy. 5hr weed sauce kicked in and my entire face feels like an 8ball of gold bond flying down a mountain of Fresh powder. Just gliding.
We had sex last night...... This "Friends" thing is going well.
I'd rather explain to the cops why I'm naked than why I'm drunk.
Upon further investigation my nipples are bruised and I have teeth marks all over.
Randomize
