I guess there's a 50 percent chance that it was her that wet my bed.
Even when three police cars surrounded us you kept telling us not to worry because 'only good things can happen'.
Come scavenge bits of tuna out of my chest hair
She cut off the top of a watermelon and is now eating it with a spoon. She's more than half done.
You're like the curious george of whores
It took me 6months to figure out that he only had one testicle.
A zombie called me motorboat central while participating in an auction to motorboat my tits. he then proceeded to propose, insisting that he makes alot money.
We were making condiment sandwiches, then her husband kept trying to get me to sleep with her. I hate being the only lesbian at the party.
How do we turn this unicorn pinata into a bong?
I just set a bowl of cap n crunch on fire. That high.
My brain is like scrambled eggs. If scrambled eggs were trying to escape out of my skull through my forehead.
woke up to find i out made out with his roommate before hooking up with him. breakfast was awkward to say the least
Turns out he's just a recently divorced IT guy. Not a wizard.
Its official. The summoning powers of my vagina are unmatched by anything in this world
i just realized i have only had sex on couches so far this year. i can't decide if that's impressive or trashy
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