I remember spending $50 at Ozzie's on Friday...my Visa remembers $120.
he thought he was parachuting out of a plane... talk about a bad trip.
I Can't even believe I threw all my pizza rolls at her, I mean not only did i ruin a good meal but now I dont have anymore
You know you need to take better care of yourself when shaving reminds you of sheep shearing...
I would love a rich wife. Then I would be like a gym teacher or some shit. Bigfoot hunter maybe.
Some girl just ordered Chinese delivery to her therapy appointment...
my human sexuality class is the only class where the porn i watch the night before is relevant to the discussion the next day
I'm home, and it turns out she didn't get it all. still picking Oreos out of my pubes.
There's times when I just want to bottle my farts for later they're so insane.
From what I heard you ordered him to lick your balls. Unless you've kept a huge secret I understand his confusion.
I have already put on my inside pants.
Date with Air Force guy was nice btw. And for my next trick I'll talk him into fucking me in his fighter jet at 30,000 ft.
I showered three hours ago and yet feel the need for another one already. This is my day.
I love you too, but sadly you're not as good at getting me out of bed as cocaine.
It’s the universal cock block of this decade
FUCK THE COCKBLOCK 19
Randomize
