Yeah, i think she was German or something.
No dude, she's just got a speech impediment.
When you're about to leave, tell him "bye." At that point, he should say something. If he doesn't say anything, well, our drinks were free and he gets a free make out with yours truly.
the 24 hour champagne diet aint going so well
how many days can you live off of Vicodin and frosty?? im going on 4 days......
She only spoke Russian, but she was so gorgeous it didn't matter
Oh. I think she ate all the cake and took our vodka...still gorgeous.
Oh you have a half-brother? Why that's right up my alley! Let's cause family strife
Tearing families apart since 2011.
Yeah. I couldn't figure out why my toes hurt. Apparently, the guy I was dancing with, kept running them over with his wheelchair.
I may or may not have hooked up with the cop who arrested me.. Or I can cross hooking up with a stripper in a cop outfit off my bucket list.
It's like "hey I give your roommate blowjobs twice a week, want to connect on LinkedIn?"
Its official... I need to stop being so slutty.. the guy I had sex with on friday delivered my jimmy johns tonight.
he has pokemon bedsheets but his dick is huge so i took one for the team
Watching the series finale of Friends and crying in my Thai food. I don't like hangover Jared.
Excuse me while I take my birth control pill for today to prevent getting pregnant from hearing about your sex life
Him showing up yesterday was like a giant ego stroke for my vagina.
My grandma just invited me to gate crash a funeral for the free food. Priorities.
Randomize
