Wow, your whole life is a joke regardless of the fact that its april fools day
hey its robert, we just made out in the backyeard. i'm inside now and you should come to the bathroom and meet me.
he wrote Vegans should suck on cow dick on her wall with permanent marker. thats how he got the black eye
just took a shot of real whiskey... i forgot what it's like to drink liquor that costs more than twelve dollars.
In an unknown location. With a giant marshmallow stuck to my back. Hello breakfast.
Aaaaand that would be the most of my hand I've ever fit into a vagina before.
They just kept handing me shots and saying welcome to college
Who the fuck was that guy he kept pulling his dick out walking up to people trying to hand it to people and saying go ahead open the door like it was a door knob
I woke up snuggling a bottle of water while Hercules played on Netflix. Whiskey Wednesdays
I think after 8 tries we can say Stoli Thursdays cause too much damage.
I will consider it. I need to determine if ogling him is worth almost certain death via zipline.
He sent me a meme at 3am. Usually guys just send me booty calls that late. I think I'm in love
It's 6am and I had to explain to the gas station attendant why I didn't have shoes on and I'm covered in maple syrup.
I want you inside me. Finish your papers.
Did I tell you about the swingers? Because I think they're trying to trap me.
Randomize
