when people say theyve been sober for however many years is that like couple beers not drunk sober, or no drinking sober?
The walls in my apartment are so thin that sometimes when I fart, I stop to listen if people are laughing next door.
My mom is wearing Ed Hardy. There aren't words.
and then you yelled "out of the way, i'm a lifeguard!" and everyone let us through
can we get together and have a vodka water gun fight? i need to get som intense excersise/alcohol
He pulled a potato out of his bag in the library. A WHOLE FRIGGIN POTATO. He ate it like it was an apple and waved at the librarian as she stared at him.
Besides asking our teacher if he enjoyed being fisted did I have any other tragic moments last night?
He keeps texting me videos of fish swimming in his fish tank, so I think it's safe to say he's back on weed.
No offense, I mean I'm sure you rocked my world and all but I don't remember.
I mean I'm screaming I love the gays in the middle of Bart so yeah
No I need this job. I actually contemplated buying a vibrator with my dad's credit card the other night.
I'm really tired of this guy walking his chicken in my neighborhood.
He told me I had smoking hot areolas then he wins an executive of the year award. How does that even happen?
Haha I'M GOING TO MISS HIS PENIS SO MUCH. But not his bipolarness.
3.5 bazillion penises. So not that hard to find a new good one
I'll bring spiced rum
I am not drinking that devil juice
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