Just heard her singing at the school concert... I am honored my penis was touched by those pipes
Found: medium sized pair of mens pants tucked inside my purse w/ a dry cleaners coupon in left pocket. Call if you wish to claim the coupon
Apparently I took one a huge picture off the wall at the bar and was walking around dancing with it..
no im not bringing booze its easy, you just challenge a drunk guy to beer pong, he'll hand you two beers, you lose on purpose, and everyone makes fun of you. but we laugh in the end for bringing nothing to a byob
WE'RE FINALLY ADMITTING THAT WE DESPERATELY WANT TO SCREW EACH OTHER. THIS IS WHAT PROGRESS FEELS
i did nothiing wrong other than not tell that kid his whole back was covered in puke
Having to grow a landing strip to cover the bruises from pole dancing. Thanks for the birthday present, but next time, maybe just a gift card?
I'm at a bar. It's body paint Wednesday. All of the waitresses are topless. Help me
all my money is vodka money
I have never read a truer sentence.
Living a little to me does not involve choreographed Michael Jackson songs
You woke up butt naked, peed yourself said something about jumbo shrimp, and passed back out 10 seconds ltr..
At least you didn’t announce to an entire bar you’ve eaten pussy, and then knocked your beer over.
Lmao. K I'll be 100% honest. I was over at your place like 12 hours ago with your roommate. If I hadn't of been there then I'd take you up on your booty call offer. So. If you're not creeped out another time please?
GOD I WOULD STAB DANNY IN THE EYE WITH HIS OWN PENIS
.........That big, huh?
No. I would cut it off
4 of us. Guys and girls. Were sitting there discussing the passed out half naked Brit girl on the floor. She is no longer the international woman of mystery.
Randomize
