Last night we were drunk and talking about rude things, I mentioned felching and had to explain it to everyone. Everyone was disgusted and asked how I knew about such filth and I told them you told me. Don't get mad. Also a quck heads up, you might get gifts of straws at work,
Am I the only one creeped out by the guy asleep behind our couch?
Her grandmother had a handicap stair lift. I just put her drunk ass on it and let her ride it up. Thank God for broken hips.
Its hard to hear the music in here over his nasal whistle. And his breath smells like old milk. I think I need more vodka, and he better be buying. You owe me.
It was fun until the stripper told me it was her first day and started crying.
Don't forget: you only show your tits for the good beads. Be judicious.
It was like bizarre-o star trek. I shamefully went where every man has gone before.
Just gave a blow job while wearing a shirt that says 'world's coolest mom' idk how my conscience feels...
Nothing screams fatass like a pizza that doesn't fit in your car
No my first time having an orgasm with you will not be on face time
I think I might get 604 tattooed on my ass tonight...
He's gonna be so upset when he get's a real job and can't do serious drugs.
How exactly does a handjob become fancy?
Blueberry lube, and champagne.
burned my penis with a sauteed onion again.
Don't get mad at me now, you have my car and all the doughnuts
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