I just sneezed everywhere.....everywhere. Now no one will talk to me.
It's a good deal. He teaches me how to longboard, then we have sex
She's running around bumping into to people trying to keep a balloon she filled with vodka in the air. Please tell me she has a secret off switch you didn't tell me about.
I found a lucrative side business - giving rides home to drunk oil executives. Very profitable.
Yeah, first time I've shit my pants in my twenties... I'm thinking about putting it on my Facebook timeline
Dude, I lost my shirt, and my doorknob is gone. I'm not sure which I should find first
You were just so carefree! People were like, "there's broken glass everywhere" and you were just like, IDGAFFFFFFF
I just had a very enlightening conversation with my hat. we need more of whatever the fuck that was.
I love how when they see that I'm upset their initial response is to offer me ecstasy
how much do I hate his dog? was just googling to see if you can rent a hungry eagle for the weekend hate.
I told you for Halloween we just need to let the loins free! Let the girth come to us in a flock, drenched with passion!
I just left and he walked me out and went call me if you're ever... Eh... Whatever. And walked away.
...and with one comment dissing Hannibal Lecter, I suddenly understood why we never worked out.
Sooo i'm debating posing nude for the drawing and painting classes, I just wanna see if they draw my nip ring.
he told me I was hypnotizing him with my mouth so I guess I do give good head
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